Article updated on February 21, 2023
Welcome to Suivez le Zèbre, the blog dedicated to Giftedness and neurodiversity. If you’re here, it’s probably because you’re having doubts about someone you know!Is he or she just a manipulator, a liar or is he or she really a narcissistic pervert ?
Narcissistic perverts are people with a personality disorder characterized by a sense of greatness and a lack of empathy towards others. They can be very manipulative, toxic, liars and seek to control their partner.
Narcissistic perverts: a term overused by society?
Since the term “narcissistic pervert ” has been overused in recent years in France, it’s all the more difficult for people who work with or have worked with a narcissistic pervert to feel credible and listened to!
Signs of a narcissistic partner in a relationship
1- An overinflated ego:
Narcissistic perverts have an exaggeratedly positive self-image and sense of greatness. They need to be admired and receive attention, and tend to be contemptuous with others.
2- Conditional love: Narcissistic perverts tend to love their partners conditionally. They can only love if they get what they want, and are often very demanding of their partners.
3- Manipulation: Narcissistic perverts are highly skilled at manipulating their partners. They may use tactics such as guilt-tripping, flattery, anger or blackmail to get what they want.
4- Lack of empathy: Narcissistic perverts have difficulty feeling empathy for others, making them unable to understand their partner’s emotions and needs. They tend to be insensitive, indifferent and can even be cruel at times.
5- Domination: Narcissistic perverts seek to dominate their partners and be in a position of superiority. They can be very jealous and possessive, and may try to isolate their partner from family and friends.
6- Constant criticism: Narcissistic perverts often have a very high opinion of themselves, and can be highly critical of their partners. They may criticize their appearance, skills or personality, which can undermine their partner’s self-esteem.
7- Lies: Narcissistic perverts can rewrite history to suit their own narrative, even if this means denying reality or lying. They can also hide important information from their partner in order to manipulate them.
8- Gaslighting: Narcissistic perverts can use gaslighting to make their partners doubt their own reality. They may deny events or conversations that have taken place or make their partner look crazy.
Power play: Narcissistic perverts love power and control. They seek to dominate others and be in a position of superiority. They can also be very jealous and possessive.
If you think you’re in the presence of a narcissistic pervert, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself. Beware of fusional relationships , which are often pitfalls in both friendship and love.
Recognizing a narcissistic pervert in a couple
You ‘re in a relationship or you have a friend in a relationship with someone and things aren’t going so well with their partner. … You or your friend had changed so much since you were in a relationship with this person that you wondered whether he or she might be susceptible to a narcissistic pervert profile.
We talk in masculine terms, but the narcissistic pervert can be a woman or a man.
Narcissistic partner or asshole?
With someone you don’t get on with, you might be angry for a while, you might feel like shooting them, and then it goes away… Or maybe you realize that you’re no longer in sync, so you talk it over, try to make an effort, and when it doesn’t work out, each of you takes your things and leaves.
What will make the difference between a lying, unkind partner and a toxic manipulator is your feelings. You’re the one who lives with it every day. You’re the one who regularly suffers his sneak attacks..
Next, there are signs that can’t be mistaken when living with a narcissistic pervert. Situations, discomforts, misunderstandings. The feeling of being in a fog and tired all the time, of not knowing what to say or do. This famous brainwashing following gaslighting. Permanent guilt and a feeling of anguish, of being on the run.
When you’re no longer in sync with your partner, you may feel unfulfilled, unhappy or out of sync, but you’re still free to act and, above all, free to think… With a narcissistic pervert, you literally become a puppet. You feel trapped.
How does the trap work? Why are we attracted to narcissistic perverts?
Understanding emotional dependence
If you’re concerned about emotional dependence right from the start, you’ll be a prime target for manipulators.
The mechanisms of emotional dependence
Emotional dependence is a psychological disorder characterized by an excessive need for another person’s attention, approval and affection. People suffering from emotional dependence often have a strong fear of abandonment, low self-esteem and difficulty being alone. They may have unhealthy, unbalanced and dysfunctional relationships, and may find it difficult to set healthy boundaries.
Emotional dependence can have a variety of causes, including traumatic childhood experiences, dysfunctional romantic or family relationships, low self-esteem, attachment disorders, mood disorders, mental health problems or addictions.
Symptoms of emotional dependence may include:
- An excessive need for another person’s attention and approval
- Intense fear of abandonment and loneliness
- Difficulty establishing healthy boundaries in relationships
- Unbalanced and dysfunctional relationships with friends and family
- Low self-esteem and self-deprecation
- Constantly seeking reassurance and validation
- A lack of confidence in oneself and in others
- Intense emotions, often triggered by relational situations
Emotional dependence can be treated with the help of a mental health professional. Behavioral and cognitive therapies can help identify dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors, develop self-esteem skills, improve communication and learn to set healthy boundaries in relationships.
Support groups can also be useful for meeting other people struggling with emotional dependency and receiving additional advice and support.
It’s important to recognize that emotional dependence can be a difficult disorder to overcome, but with time, patience and effort, it’s possible to establish healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Emotional dependence and Narcissistic Perverts
The narcissistic pervert will create an emotional dependency that ensures his complete hold over you. A normal guy or girl would be super freaked out to see you completely emotionally dependent on him or her. On the contrary, this is what the narcissistic pervert is looking for.
The state the narcissistic pervert is going to put you in, a healthy person would run away from it…
If you are or have been in a relationship with a narcissistic pervert, that makes you a victim. Accepting itis the first step to overcoming it!
After spending a few months or even years with a narcissistic pervert, you feel like you’re no longer yourself. You’reconstantly between fear, anger, anguish, sadness, fear anguish, anger, sadness…
Narcissistic Perverts: a one-way relationship
There’s often dialogue in a couple, even with its ups and downs…
The absence of dialogue
In a relationship with a narcissistic pervert, there is no dialogue. And you can’t leave, it’s like you’re stuck because you think that without this person you’re nothing!
It’s like those products you sometimes see in TV shows or movies: you’re aware of what’s going on, but you’re frozen, unable to move…
Narcissistic perverts, the double face
After a while, you see that beautiful face again , only in the presence of other people! But at home, behind closed doors, it’s going to get crueler and crueler!
You’ll try to make him notice, to understand, to change, to find solutions to get back to the wonderful person he was at the beginning! You’ll try to dialogue… But you’ll always come up against a wall… Sometimes he’ll say yes, you’re right, but it’ll only be to keep the peace, and it’ll probably be worse afterwards…
The more you try to understand, the higher the wall!
Living after a breakup with a narcissistic pervert
Leaving a narcissistic pervert: post-traumatic shock and pain
The suffering, trauma, post-traumatic shock, fear, sensitivity, anxiety, sometimes depression and, for some, suicide attempts, are real after this type of relationship.
Unlike a relationship between two more or less healthy people, a relationship with a narcissistic pervert leaves marks, as when you’ve lived with a physically violent person.
Unlike victims of physical violence, scars are not visible, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist and that they didn’t happen…
Narcissistic Perverts and Psychological Violence
The difficulty of having psychological violence recognized by the courts is a problem for victims of NPs.Narcissistic perverts know this very well, and they play on it. They are very litigious and settle with the law, because mind control is still a very taboo subject.
To conclude on Narcissistic Perverts
In conclusion, recognizing the warning signs of a narcissistic pervert can help protect people from toxic and harmful behavior.
By recognizing the signs, you can protect yourself and take the necessary steps to avoid the harmful consequences of a narcissistic pervert‘s behavior.
You want to know more about narcissistic perverts ?
You can also find more information, resources and tools on Gifted in Mel POINAS‘ book. With a lot of humor, Mel tells the story of the discovery of her giftedness and the routines she put in place to finally find her place!
Écrit par une HPI !
Un témoignage et des solutions concrètes pour découvrir, comprendre et apprendre à vivre en étant HPI.
To find out more about narcissistic perverts
- The 30 characteristics of the perverse narcissistic personality
- Recovering from a relationship with a narcissistic pervert
- What is a narcissistic pervert?
- Understanding post-traumatic shock after a relationship with a narcissistic pervert
- Books to understand the perverse narcissistic personality
- What is the link between giftedness and narcissistic perversion: why are we attracted to each other?