Why do HPIs and narcissistic perverts attract each other?
Over the years of my life and research, I’ve come to realize that when you’re a zebra, you tend to be fascinated by narcissistic perverts. To prevent this from happening again, I decided to try and understand our relationship and our role as a high-potential profile in this toxic relationship.
The narcissistic pervert: the Achilles heel of little zebras.
We have totally opposed structures with flaws, which, when we work together, complement each other. Explanations.
High Potential and Narcissistic Perverts: opposing structures that complement each other
The narcissistic pervert will look for people who are optimistic, nice, fun, always in a good mood, kind, good listeners and benevolent, who like to help and above all repair others. Why are high-potential profiles the favorite targets of narcissistic perverts?
Mental impairment is cognitive functioning that involves a high level of thinking. This high level of thinking explains why the brain questions everything it wonders about, and wonders all the time.
What guides a gifted person is first and foremost doubt, because he or she is constantly question ing everything around him or her, including himself or herself and his or her vision of the world.
Add to this a strong capacity for empathy and a fairly pronounced savior syndrome, and you have all the ingredients ofa person who is easily manipulated.
Zebras are idealists, they want to change the world and look for the best everywhere, including in people with failing emotional structures.
Why is the narcissistic pervert an emotionally flawed personality?
The narcissistic pervert: a child in need
You can ‘t get a narcissistic pervert out of his pathology.
The narcissistic pervert is often a child who has suffered from lack or rejection during the development phase.
I’ll let you delve deeper into the subject in the article on narcissistic perverts.
Here you’ll find my analyses, based on my various readings on the subject , including that of Paul Claude Racamier, one of the world’s leading specialists on narcissistic perverts. In fact, he coined the term ” narcissistic pervert“.
Paul-Claude Racamier says that narcissistic perversion stems from a developmental problem linked to the ego.
The narcissistic pervert acts like a capricious child devoid of empathy.
The narcissistic pervert, the unloved child!
Paul Claude explains that the narcissistic pervert demands, manipulates, lies and hurts until he gets what he wants. What he wants is to make his victim bear the brunt of his unhappiness, because for him, this unhappiness is unbearable.
Make no mistake: behind their toxic, hurtful and manipulative personalities, narcissistic perverts are extremely unhappy and lonely people.
They are incapable of love, and their range of emotions is very limited, if not virtually non-existent. Once again, this lack of emotion leads them to turn to more empathetic, sensitive personalities who generally suffer from the fear of abandonment.
HPI, the gifted person’s irrational and constant need for love
Another characteristic of gifted people which means that he tends to be very attracted to narcissistic perverts the irrational and constant need for fusion and love ! This need to be loved for who we are, this insatiable need for recognition and this very bad tendency to seeking approval in others’ eyes.
The narcissistic pervert senses these different needs, which in gifted people correspond to his greatest fears and weaknesses…
It’s very easy for a narcissistic pervert to make an HPI emotionally dependent.
Zebras, gifted, HPI and lack of self-confidence
Once the narcissistic pervert has detected these flaws, the relationship and the game can begin. The narcissistic pervert will enter the seduction phase and become the perfect person in the zebra’s eyes. By questioning his victim skilfully enough to find out what his expectations and dreams are, as well as his fears, he will have all the cards in hand to manipulate his victim. This is what we call LOVE BOMBING.
What is Narcissistic Pervert Love Bombing?
The love bombing involves giving intense signs of love very quickly. In French, it’s literally the bombardment of love.
This translates into declarations of love, attentions that may seem excessive, gifts, a weekend, jewelry, invitations to restaurants, the need to see each other all the time, messages from morning to night, serious plans after a few weeks or even days…
The person is cheerful, you’re the man or woman in his or her life. Everything is beautiful, magical, magnificent, wonderful. There’s that fairytale effect. Soon, you can’t live without each other, and all your thoughts are consumed by your relationship.
This method is used to quickly create an emotional dependency and deploy the trap in which the pervert traps his victim.
Obviously, for the HPI who has often felt rejected or out of step, for once someone takes an interest in him and, what’s more, makes him believe that he loves because he’s different, it’s hard for him to step back and understand that he’s being manipulated.
This is the strength and power of the narcissistic pervert, making us believe that he or she is the ideal man or woman!
During this phase, the narcissistic pervert himself tries to convince himself that he has found the right person, that this time he and his abyss-sized flaw will be filled!
It’s more or less the only moment of sincerity in the relationship.
If you’d like to find out more, read the book Suivez le Zèbre (Follow the Zebra).
The honeymoon with the narcissistic pervert, the first cracks.
During this honeymoon phase, the NP tries to show us his ideal, idyllic face and uses the method of love bombing to convince us. The victim has the impression of never having been so in love, never having been so in tune with someone, never having loved with such passion and fusion… We share the same passions, the same interests. We have the same references, the same expectations, the same desires, the same vision of the future. Absolute romance. This is what zebras are looking for, as they need intense, passionate love to feel alive.
However, even during this honeymoon phase, when the narcissistic pervert is trying to put on his best face, he has his failings! Above all, gifted people are very good at detecting discomfort or lies.
Zebra intuition and feeling: I’ve got the power!
Zebras have a cognitive system that gives them highly acute senses. They feel other people’s emotions. Even if the narcissistic pervert is a very skilled actor, he’s devoid of emotion, and the zebras soon realize their devious game.
Herein lies the contradiction and perplexity of the gifted / narcissistic pervert relationship.
Why is it that these profiles, with their exceptional ability to analyze human behavior, are unable to set limits for narcissistic perverts?
Relationship with an NP, the first doubts
HPI people have a powerful memory and can easily spot things that don’t make sense or are illogical. When a narcissistic pervert lies, even during the honeymoon period, a zebra knows it!
There’s this little voice that accompanies him and alerts him; he senses that something is amiss, as if something were wrong. The first time, you don’t notice, then the second time, you point it out… Often, at this moment, it’s the first cold shower, and despite the love bombing a little doubt creeps in.
The narcissistic pervert is already showing part of his true face and who he really is. The narcissistic pervert is cold and calculating. He hates to lose control and, during this honeymoon phase, he’ll test his victim’s limits and see what she’s capable of enduring to find out how far he can go.
The progressive scale of the Narcissistic Pervert’s hold over his victim
It’s a gradual process, as the mental manipulation and psychological hold is gradually built up, while at the same time the physical violence can happen quite quickly. I often hear that in the case of the narcissistic pervert, there is no physical violence, only psychological violence.
That’s not quite true: some narcissistic perverts are only interested in guilt and control, but those who suffer from poor frustration and anger management can come to blows and become violent.
The honeymoon can last from several weeks to 18 months, especially in the case of narcissistically perverse women who are more adept at keeping their mask on for longer and convincing themselves that they are in love with their victim.
The risk for a zebra is not to listen to his little voice. Even if he senses that there’s something a bit uncomfortable, out of a lack of confidence he’ll prefer to persuade himself that he’s paranoid, that he’s exaggerating the situation, that it’s not so serious, we all have our faults etc. The NP will take advantage of this leniency to gain the upper hand over him and increasingly develop his hold.
Sf you’re gifted and you meet someone who puts your little voice on alert, drop them and get as far away from them as possible! When in doubt, there is no doubt!
Trust yourself, if you think it’s fishy,
is that it is.
Can you change a narcissistic pervert?
The HPI / narcissistic pervert relationship is a subject particularly close to my heart, because I needed to understand why these people became the way they did. Why, we live in a world where people have suffered so much that they’ve ended up cutting themselves off from their positive emotions: love, sharing, kindness, empathy, joy…
When we’re zebras, we all have a “Mother Theresa” side . We’re convinced we can help and change others. We have impostor syndrome, but we also have savior syndrome. Yet you can’t change a narcissistic pervert, it’s he who changes you, and the more time you spend with him, the more he drives you crazy.
The Narcissistic Pervert changes our way of thinking, it’s called decerveling, and frankly, it’s super creepy. No, you can’t change a Narcissistic Pervert!
Don’t try to make them change, because you’ll wear yourself out believing it’s possible, and it will wear you out and cost you a lot of energy to… NOTHING! Many specialists, including Racamier, Bouchoux and Nazare-Aga , use the qualifier to describe how they work. A nickname that suits them perfectly.
Is the narcissistic pervert a modern vampire?
The narcissistic pervert will suck out your vitality, your mental and physical strength, your joy, your good humor, your identity, your structure, EVERYTHING that makes you you!
In addition to wasting your time, you’re going to lose your joie de vivre, your patience, your benevolence… You’ll be tired, exhausted and on edge most of the time. With such a person, you’ll become bland and a shadow of your former self.
When dealing with a narcissistic pervert, the greatest risk is the loss of identity. The more you’re pushed around, the more you lose your bearings. This creates confusion and you end up not knowing who you are.
The narcissistic pervert: a profound change in who you are!
I’ve lived it. I know that the people around me don’t understand. Until you’ve experienced it, you can’t understand it. I don’t blame them. That’s what’s difficult after such a relationship. The feeling of loneliness in the face of what you may have felt and still feel!
Coping with feelings of loneliness as a victim of PN
There’s who I was before this story and who I am now. Mind control is a truly traumatic experience. We no longer know who we are, what’s normal, or how to behave. Self-esteem and self-confidence are just destroyed… And even after a lot of hard work, there’s always something left inside that’s permanently broken.
I’m happy today, I’ve rebuilt my life, I have lovely, great people around me. But I’ll never be the same as I was before, and I accept that.
Accepting that you’ve been changed by a history with an NP
The narcissistic pervert completely destructures our mental perceptions and profoundly alters the way our brains work.
Crazy as it may sound, here again we are prime targets in this process of manipulation and mental destructuring, despite our finesse and great intelligence.
Be smart, be resilient, be strong!
The best way to recover from a narcissistic pervert is to be happy. So we take advantage of our strengths and our ability to question ourselves to get back on the right track.
Why distancing yourself from the NP’s point of view is essential.
The narcissistic pervert will more easily make you believe that everything comes from you and that everything is always your fault… He’ll alternate between hot and cold: one day he’ll be adorable, kind, considerate, seductive and the next day cold, distant, for no apparent reason. Our characteristics include a strong tendency to feel guilty and to question ourselves.
These perpetual doubts can sometimes impair our judgement, even though we’re more than capable of good judgement in general! But we like to please others, especially the one we love the most…
Find the right balance between pleasing others and respecting yourself without overstepping your values
So we live and bend over backwards to ensure that the other person has access to happiness, often to the detriment of ourselves… I don’t think I need to draw you a picture! It’s going to be a treat for that person who’s next to you.
The advantage of being gifted is our resilience. resilience .
I think it’s easier to recover from a relationship with a narcissistic pervert than it is for non-gifted people, but beware: it takes work, patience and the desire and willingness to ask for help and accept it.
On the other hand, I really must insist that stubbornly staying in a relationship with a narcissistic pervert is a mistake and makes you his or her accomplice!
In any case, if you have doubts about someone around you, I wish you courage and strength to get out of that hold.
You can also find more information, resources and tools on Giftedness in Mel POINAS‘ book. With a lot of humor, Mel tells the story of the discovery of her giftedness and the routines she put in place to finally find her place!
Le livre
Écrit par une HPI !
Un témoignage et des solutions concrètes pour découvrir, comprendre et apprendre à vivre en étant HPI.
To go further, you can read
- Can you be HPI and narcissistic pervert?
- Narcissistic Pervert, understanding post-traumatic shock
- Recommended books for understanding the Narcissistic Pervert personality
- Recovering from a relationship with a Narcissistic Pervert
- How do you recognize a Narcissistic Pervert?
- The 30 characteristics of the Narcissistic Pervert personality
- How do you leave a Narcissistic Pervert?
