Relationship with a Narcissistic Pervert, understanding post-traumatic shock.

It seems impossible until we do it!

Nelson Mandela

You’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic pervert, you’ve managed to get away, to leave him, and now you’re wondering how to relearn how to live after what you’ve been through. Anxiety, anger, sadness, emotional dependence… The first step to moving forward without being tempted to turn away is to understand and accept what has happened to you.

In this article, I’m going to talk about what I call the invisible scar, the psychological wound caused by a relationship with a narcissistic pervert.

As I say in all my articles, I’ m not a shrink, I’m just trying to help you by giving you the keys based on my various research and experiences around this theme.

This article is as much for zebras (gifted, high potentials) as for non-zebras… Whether you’re gifted or not, the suffering and pain you feel are the same, and they’re very hard to live with and fight.

High-potential relationships and narcissistic perverts!

Many people with High Potential, Zebra, Gifted, whatever you want to call us, are confronted with NPs. Not so surprising when you think about it… I don’t have any figures or statistics to give you, just a deduction based on what I read on a daily basis in groups dedicated to the gifted, zebras, high potentials…

I wrote an article about this relationship, which I have tried and am still trying to understand. So I’ve done a lot of reading on the subject. I’m trying to document and explore the points of view of the various “experts” on the subject, notably Racamier, Bouchoux, Nazare-Aga, as well as your testimonials and my personal experience. I’ve given you a quick rundown here: the relationship between giftedness and narcissistic perversion.

Narcissistic perverts: a revealer of identity?

I created this blog to try and help people… People who think they’re zebras, but not just zebras! I’m just trying to help you find yourself, understand yourself better, discover who you are and ESPECIALLY to value and love yourself too!

When you’ve known a manipulative, toxic or perverse person, something inside you breaks. It’s like an invisible scar, reminding us of what happened, like a physical injury or an operation… Except that, conversely, a narcissistic pervert leaves no visual “trace”, but just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean the wound doesn’t exist and never did…

I believe that this deep wound, which changes us forever, acts as a revelation. You feel so battered, so disoriented, so lost! The narcissistic pervert pushes our limits so much thatat some point we feel the need to say STOP!
Who am I becoming and who am I?

Traumatic shock and the invisible scar!

Let me come back to the notion of the invisible scar. Let me explain, I had surgery on my collarbone several months ago following a serious accident! I was re-operated on a second time, 5 months later, because I rejected the material they had put in me. So I had two shoulder operations in 6 months.

Several thoughts follow this double intervention:
– a visible scar that reminds me and reminds people of what I’ve been through. When I’m in a tank top, it shows. So it’s impossible to forget this accident. And when I meet people who didn’t know me at the time of the accident, today and even in the future, they know and will know that I’ve had an operation because my skin is scarred.
So people pay more attention to me and my shoulder. They don’t lean on it, they avoid bumping into me or jostling me because the scar acts as a signal: be careful, sensitive area, be gentle and delicate!

– The need for rehabilitation. After double surgery, muscles, nerves and bones that have been broken, severed or displaced need time to rebuild and heal. Once the reconstruction is underway, the whole system will be gradually relearned to function correctly. This takes time and patience, because in the beginning you can’t do everything the way it was before…
– I made it! That’s my final thought. It was long, I was in pain, I was very scared too, but the balance sheet, 7 months later little by little I’ve relearned to do everything I used to do – well, almost everything! 🙂

I still need a bit of reeducation for some things as it’s still a bit sensitive.

The invisible scar, the insidious wound.

Can you see what I’m getting at? A physical injury is a traumatic shock for the body , and we can say that a relationship with a narcissistic pervert is a psychological shock of great violence for the person experiencing it.

As with a physical injury, after this relationship, this shock experienced over months and often years, the body and mind do not emerge unscathed.

Of course, after a relationship with a narcissistic pervert, even if you’re still hurting or have been hurting, the scar, the wound, is not visible. There’s no brand, no warning signal that makes people more delicate and attentive.

There’s just you, who seemed to be physically the same as before this relationship (although usually we’re tired, on edge, and it shows on our physical appearance!).

It’s also what makes it so difficult to come to terms with the narcissistic pervert, the feeling of being alone and misunderstood. Don’t worry, you’re not alone and we’ll take our time, but you’ll get there!

Rehabilitation after post-traumatic shock due to psychological violence.

As after physical trauma or surgery, you’ll need to learn how to re-educate the area injured by the traumatic shock.

You’ll also have to accept that others can’t see this scar. You have two choices: explain it to them, if you feel the need, or keep it to yourself, if you’re more comfortable that way.

If I take the comparison with my shoulder and my operationsI’ve re-educated myself and I’m still doing it, but sometimes when I push too hard it still hurts. For example, if I run for too long, or cut 5 kilos of grated carrots, I’m bound to be in pain! I haven’t recovered all the sensations of the fabrics because I still have both operations printed in my brain (alalalala this brain ^^)! 😉

Because I haven’t yet regained the strength I need to get through my carrots in one go… On the other hand, if I cut 2.5 kilos, then do something else and then go back to my carrots, I’m fine in two stages.

CONCLUSION > Patience and kindness!

To re-educate yourself, you’ll have to listen to yourself and go gradually. The narcissistic pervert has damaged your personality and your self-esteem.

Take it easy. Sometimes you’ll have relapses. Sometimes it’ll hurt, but that’s okay. Accept moments of weakness, regression or stagnation, as they are part of rehabilitation.

Keep hoping, one day at a time, week after week, month after month. To each his own. Some recover faster than others, there are no rules.

Discover my tips for getting back to a healthy life after a relationship with a narcissistic pervert:
My advice for rebuilding after a relationship with a narcissistic pervert.

Books to help you understand the relationship with a narcissistic pervert.

You can also find more information, resources and tools on Giftedness in Mel POINAS‘ book. With a lot of humor, Mel tells the story of the discovery of her giftedness and the routines she put in place to finally find her place!

To go further, you can read

• Can you be HPI and narcissistic pervert?
• Recommended books for understanding the Narcissistic Pervert personality
• Recovering from a relationship with a Narcissistic Pervert
• How do you recognize a Narcissistic Pervert?
• The 30 characteristics of the Narcissistic Pervert personality
• How do you leave a Narcissistic Pervert?

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