Testimony, Re-Living after a Narcissistic Pervert

My life after being in a relationship with a Narcissistic Pervert

Hello everyone, today I want to address all those people who, like me, are born utopians, and who one day fall, without thinking they can get back up.

This history, or rather this succession of experiences, has made me who I am today, and I can assure you I’m very happy.

A few introductions are in order. I’m nearly 30, I’m a carer, and I love a succession of things, starting with life, with its ups and downs. I love life yes, I love love, happiness, sunshine, laughter, dancing, singing… But I also like rain, autumn, calm, storms and soup!

I’m going to talk to you specifically about my personal experience, and what happened to me, so that you understand one thing: happiness doesn’t come from anyone but you.

Unidentified HPI

I’m probably one of those so-called zebras and I use this term with a grain of salt because I’ve never really wanted to take an IQ test, the WAIS test, although I’ve done a lot of research on the subject. It was a friend who first told me about this particular personality, and it was my experiences in love, society and work that put me on the right track.

I especially want to thank Mel Poinas, (Thank you for this beautiful testimonial!) who, thanks to her blog and book, helped me understand a lot about my personality, my emotions, my reactions, and some of the zebra‘s thought patterns. His articles and many others have helped me to move forward on my personal journey, and to let go (a little) of this constant need to control. Knowing that I’m probably one of the so-called ” high potentials ” also makes me aware of talents that I hadn’t exploited until now.

Accepting to rebuild step by step

It also means accepting this enormous sensitivity, this overflow of love for all the people around us, and these very sudden emotions that we can’t always contain. As I said earlier, I use the term “probably” because I haven’t carried out any official tests. It was my recent life experiences (most of which are not very happy) that put me on the right track. But I still think it’s good news.

This discovery took place right in the middle of the tsunami of my life: 2020. Some will remember it as the year of COVID, and as a carer I won’t forget it either. It was a year of upheaval for me, a pseudo Reset in all areas.

My Story with a Narcissistic Pervert

I met love during this period, or what I thought was love. He was charismatic, he had presence, he was in the same business as me. He told me he could heal all my wounds and I thought Prince Charming had finally arrived after years of tormented relationships. I met what is commonly known as a narcissistic pervert, a manipulator, a textbook case as I told my psychologist at the time.

This story lasted a month and a half. A month and a half of intense moments and passive-aggressive communication, of little criticisms here and there that sting the heart, little blow after little blow until it becomes a real open wound. I’ve also experienced abuse in all its forms. Pushing my limits a little further every day was one of his goals. And it worked.

During that month and a half, I wondered what was going on because my body was sending me so many messages. I was somatizing a lot and was in a state of depression I’d never experienced before. Something was happening but I couldn’t figure out what. Then I read certain things on the internet, as if my soul was trying to send me messages I wasn’t yet aware of.

” Fusional relationship “, ” toxic relationship “, I eventually came across ” narcissistic pervert ” but at the time, I didn’t even know what it was!

Narcissistic Pervert Relationship and Burn Out

I couldn’t sleep because I spent my nights either in hospital or at his place, and I ended up with what is known as a burn out . I couldn’t stand the noise, I couldn’t do my job without doubting my every move, I was completely worn out psychologically and physically. I had asked my boss to stop making me work nights, but my request was ignored. Especially since I had asked to cancel my vacation because I didn’t see the point of taking time for myself locked up at home because of the confinement.

The burn out was something I more or less “lived through”, as I realized very quickly after being arrested that I was a workaholic. I was far too demanding of myself and didn’t take into account my fatigue, or even the fact that I had little or no recognition for working so hard.

So I took advantage of that time to spend with the man I called ” my prince charming “. But despite my sick leave, I realized that I was still just as tired. I had written him a letter saying that I needed to take a week for myself. I never managed to give it to her.

Awareness

Seeing how badly I was feeling, I started talking to a psychologist. That time did me a world of good. I was listening to music. I could hear certain phrases echoing inside me. I used to read a lot too.

One day, I came across a YouTube video in which a man listed the 30 personality characteristics of a narcissistic (or manipulative) pervert. The lie. Control. The two masks. Dominance. Almost all the points raised spoke to me. I counted them! And I understood.

Luckily, I saw a friend in the evening, with whom I had time to chat, and the next day my psychologist. ” I can see the fire in your eyes “, I’ll always remember this song that was playing in my head that night. I felt trapped and at the same time I felt strong for having understood that I wasn’t crazy, that all this discomfort wasn’t actually coming from me.

The next day, I debriefed my psychologist, who was both horrified and amazed that I’d figured out what was going on in such a short space of time.

In truth, this relationship echoed most of my previous relationships.

She gave me advice on how to get out of this ordeal as quickly as possible. But I couldn’t wait another second. I felt I was in mortal danger , and I’m weighing my words carefully! I left home, picked up some things and moved in with a friend who was moving out the very next day (serendipity always works out well, doesn’t it!).

Successfully ending the PN relationship

Very scared, I had to put an end to the relationship in a very direct way, repeating the same thing at least 10 times to avoid negotiation and endless conversation. I had to face his gaze once more to get my things (accompanied). It was missing, but I didn’t care. For me, it was a way of getting back some of what he’d taken from me, even if it wasn’t just material.

He had stolen my joie de vivre, he had played with my kindness, my empathy, he had literally broken my heart into billions of pieces. He had even managed to keep my family away from me. It only lasted a month and a half. But in the midst of confinement, everything seemed to speed up. Today, everything has to be rebuilt.

The gaslighting brainstorm

There’s that moment of post-traumatic stress when you’re alert all the time and when you’re not, you’re in tears. Your body has been under so much stress that it needs time to recover. Accepting this is already a big step. Especially when you’re someone who likes to laugh, move and live.

That moment was very complicated for me, because I had to accept my dark side. This went on for several weeks. Long weeks, but weeks necessary for my psychological recovery. The narcissistic pervert is also what we call a ” psychic vampire “. He sucks out your energy and vitality.

And that’s word for word what I experienced. You have to accept these moments of anxiety, fear and sadness. Rest and meditation are invaluable aids for living through these moments and learning to letting go (an experience I didn’t know much about from my 28 years at the time (laughs)).

Narcissistic Perverts and Awareness.

At first, we’re completely obsessed by this personality who’s the complete opposite of us, yet who’s fooled us and hurt us in the most sensitive part of our being: the heart.

For months I read articles about these personalities, until one day I realized I had nothing more to learn.

It’s also through these readings that I’ve come to understand that the tree really hides the forest.

That’s how I came to understand that these people were attracted to me, but that I was also attracted to them. This was the hardest part for me to assimilate. I was angry with them, but also with myself. For me, it was a form of disrespect for myself to have been able to love those people who never loved you (although for me, love is a vast subject and everyone loves in their own way).

Understanding that NP love is selfish love

Let’s just say they don’t love you the way you and I do. They love you to satisfy their ego, and for me, a very sensitive person, it was unthinkable to believe that people don’t have the capacity to love from the heart. This is not part of my reality.

But it’s also how I came to understand what love is. Love begins with oneself, so that one can give love to others. It’s not about sacrifice or pain. It just feels good. The antithesis of what I had experienced up to 2020.

Accepting help to rebuild yourself

This realization lasted several months, and so did the work on myself. I’d even say it’s never finished, because there’s always room for improvement. But without asking too much of myself either: learning to be more tolerant of myself and not always aiming for the perfect absolute : the story of my life! (Laughs).

And I didn’t do it alone: as an independent woman, I was finally able to accept the help that people wanted to give me. I was followed by a psychologist, whom I still see from time to time, and I agreed to take treatment to get back on track, which was very hard at first. For me, taking an antidepressant was frankly insane. It doesn’t just happen to other people, and it was a real lesson in humility for me.

In terms of activities, I’ve been introduced to Chinese medicine, whose relationship with the body has helped me a great deal on my journey, and I’ve made a point of eating healthily, while still allowing myself a few small pleasures, because yes… Psychic reconstruction involves simple things that make us feel good, and eating healthy things like magnum double caramel ice cream is… Incredible how good it feels!

I continued to do sport, running both on my own and with friends and family, and at work, after three months off work, I went back to work part-time, only to go back to work full-time two and a half months later. I read a lot: personal development books, and more spiritual books. Choose your readings carefully, they will guide you too.

Falling back in love despite a relationship with a narcissistic pervert

A completely unexpected surprise at a time when everything was tinged with gray: love fell into my lap, completely unexpectedly.

In truth, it had been there for quite some time, but I just didn’t have the right eyes to see it. It was a time when I wasn’t at my best, frankly, but he loved me just the way I was. With my smiles, my tears. He knew everything I’d been through, and he knew how to find the right gestures, time and attention. If I had to find an image to reflect this passage in my life, it would be a rainbow crossing the cloudy sky.

I learned what true love was from him. Everything was so different that I was still looking for the complication, the trap, what was going to go wrong. Well no, nothing hurts Marion!

Still in my old patterns, and particularly in emotional dependence, I had to go through a lot on my own, but also with him, in order to get rid of this toxicity that had poisoned me for years and made love rhyme with pain.

Find your way back to happiness!

Today, I’m happy. I’ve learned to love myself already, for who I am. With my qualities and my faults, and that’s probably what has attracted the right people and the right things to me. (The law of attraction!).

I’ve gone back to work and I’m even changing departments. I already have in mind the project that will follow, which will probably be even closer to who I am, but I’m leaving myself time to live the experience that’s coming: first things first.

I’m happy in my relationship, I’d even say fulfilled. We live together and will soon be moving to a larger property. It all happened very quickly because everything was crystal clear for both of us.

We have projects together and on our own, and we have our own moments. We bicker sometimes, yes, but we never hurt each other. This happiness is priceless, and every day I try to keep it in my head and in my heart (Romantic me? Nonsense… Laughs).

Writing to free yourself and move forward

That’s my story, folks. This testimonial is a way for me to free myself from my ” old demons ” and it’s also, and above all, a message of hope that I’m sending to all of you.

After more than 15 years of living in toxic relationships, particularly those involving love (but also friendships, work, etc.), I really believed that happiness was to be found in others.

Keep a little for yourself, andwhen you can, share it with others.

Sometimes it’s possible, sometimes it’s not. And that’s okay. Learning this is both very important and very difficult when you like to do good for those around you. Thinking of ourselves first is not selfish; it’s knowing how to do good for ourselves so that we can do better for those around us.

Believe in yourself, in your resources!

We are capable of great things when we really want them. But accepting the help we’re offered also means learning to put ego aside, and above all gathering positive energies to move forward! ” Alone we go faster, but together we go further “.

Leaving my old apartment from one day to the next and putting everything in storage was really hard! But I did… Thanks to my desire to leave this life that no longer suited me , and also thanks to my friends, my family and my sweetheart, who were unwavering in their support.

The universe helps you when you ask for it (my spiritual side salutes you!). Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy, and it’s human nature to be afraid of change. And if it was better afterwards?

Personally, I can confirm it 🙂

Real love really does exist. All you have to do is not look for difficulty, but find someone who wants you and makes you feel good.

Best regards,
MC.

A huge thank you to MC for her testimonial.

You can also find more information, resources and tools on Giftedness in Mel POINAS‘ book. With a lot of humor, Mel tells the story of the discovery of her giftedness and the routines she put in place to finally find her place!

Le livre

Écrit par une HPI !
Un témoignage et des solutions concrètes pour découvrir, comprendre et apprendre à vivre en étant HPI.

Je le veux

Living (again) after a Narcissistic Pervert

My life after being in a relationship with a Narcissistic Pervert