How do you say you’re HPI or gifted?

Suivez le zèbre tested for you: how do you say you’re gifted?

– How do you tell your colleagues or employer that you are gifted?
– How do you explain to your parents that you’re a zebra?
– How do you tell your friends that you have high potential?

I know how important this subject is to you. Many of you have asked me to write an article on this subject: Telling your loved ones you’re gifted

Already when you discover that you’re a gifted adult it’s often a big surprise. So telling other people is just another level!

Fear of judgment when you learn you’re gifted

Often when we learn about it, we don’t really know what to do with it! Well, I’m a zebra, all right. You have to make it your own. And then, in France, it’s not easy to broach the subject! We often think that gifted = more intelligent = Einstein, Descartes or Steve Jobs, when it’s simply a different neurological functioning. I like to explain to people that pMaybe their florist, their baker, their teacher, the lifeguard at their local swimming pool is a Zebra. Professional diversity seems to speak louder than a long theory course! So how can you say you’re a Zebra without necessarily being a math genius?

First of all, you have to free yourself fromthe fear of judgment, the fear of being looked down upon by others, the fear of being seen as pretentious, the fear of being clumsy and also of being misunderstood.

DON’T PANIC! I’ve become the queen of coming-out, zebra and all!

How can I tell others that I’m gifted?

You know my taste for empiricism😉

I remember a weekend in Lyon. We were at the restaurant with a friend of Julia’ s (love of my present life), whom I’ve known for some time. Julia mentioned the blog in the course of a conversation, and we naturally came to talk about zebras and gifted and high potential. Her friend didn’t know or suspect that I was a zebra. I must not look like a zebra! She wasn’t quite sure what it meant after all…

I have the advantage of having the blog. At first, I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject without it going, “Did you have a good day? By the way, I’m a zebra.” The blog was an excellent excuse to talk about it and finally free myself. Now I’m much more comfortable with the fact that I’m a high-potential and It’s so much a part of me that I’m no longer“ashamed” of it.

Since I found out, it’s changed everything, and at the same time, in my daily life, I forget about it. It’s like the fact that I’m a woman, or that I have brown hair, I know what color my hair is but I almost never stop to think about it except when I go to the hairdresser! It’s part of me, it’s just the way I am.

Do you have to come out if you’re a zebra?

I don’treally have an answer, I think it’s more a case of gut feeling! There are discussions that lend themselves to confidence… And sometimes it comes naturally in conversation.

I remember that when I first found out, I wanted and needed to understand. I also wanted to shout it from the rooftops,

I’m a zebra, I’m a zebra, I’m a zebra!

As if to justify myself, as if to say, NO, NO, I’m not the one who’s crazy, it’s just that you don’t understand me!

And then, little by little, I got to know and understand myself. And I no longer had to justify who I was, the person I was, but also my multi-potentials.

On the other hand, when the opportunity arises, if I feel it, I say it… If I don’t feel like talking about it afterwards, I’ll keep it to myself… Either way, it’s still my choice.

Telling your family you’re a zebra

How do you tell your parents you’re gifted? I find family the most complicated! It’s super weird when you realize that you’re gifted at 30 I’ve just been tested and I’m a zebra.

You’re sort of telling the two people who are supposed to know you best, who brought you into the world, that they haven’t really known you for 30 years…

And more often than not, when you explain how you came to realize that you were a high potential they feel guilty, because they didn’t realize it when you were little. As if they’d missed a trick! Well, they missed the fact that you were a precocious child… A gifted adult is a gifted child! ButThere’s nothing to feel guilty about. Your parents aren’t necessarily astute psychologists. And 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, we weren’t really at the height of psychology! Giftedness has only been democratized in recent years.

In life, there are no coincidences, only appointments!

If you didn’t know earlier that you were a zebra, you weren’t ready or willing to find out. The fact that you didn’t know it when you were young also helped you to build yourself up in a certain way, and today it’s a strength! It’s a stage, even a trial, to discover that you’re gifted. But it’s also a revelation. A new life and, above all, new perspectives.

When you tell your parents you’re a zebra, there are several possible reactions

Anyway, if you feel like telling them, tell them. There are several options:
– they’re open, caring, they listen to you, they understand you, they support you and that’s great.
– You explain it to them, and they’re a bit overwhelmed, but they understand and support you, and that’s already very cool.
– they don’t understand what you’re saying and don’t pay attention > change parents.
No, I’m kidding. You don’t have to prove anything, just be yourself.

In short, if they don’t understand, it’s okay. You have other people around you who can understand and listen. Often, our friends know us more intimately than our family.

I know that many of my friends weren ‘t surprised when they found out I was a zebra.

Telling your friends you’re a zebra

I found it easier to talk about it with my friends. Already because some of my friends have followed my journey live! My questions, finding a therapist specializing in giftedness, the various tests, etc… I was already well surrounded.

And then there are the friends with whom I developed a special relationship when I discovered that they themselves were zebras! They also helped and accompanied me a lot in this quest for myself.

And then there are the friends who don’t react, who don’t care. A bit like family! Either because they don’t really understand what the difference is (and maybe it’s also cool because the way they look at you doesn’t change ) or because it’s too much for them to deal with, and they’d rather stay in denial and not discuss it with you. But that doesn’t mean they don’t still love you or aren’t available for you.

There are also those who wonder about their brother, their sister, their boyfriend, themselves… And beyond the definition of the gifted, it is on the notion of difference that the discussion advances, and on the fact of being oneself and being well . 🙂

Should you tell your employer that you’re gifted?

A zebra’s coming-out at work!

When you say be yourselfwe also think of the professional side ! should you tell your employer that you have an atypical profile? a gifted person, a zebra, a high potential?

Here again, I think it depends on the individual. In the past, it was sometimes difficult at work because I felt misunderstood. At the same time, I didn’t know at the time that I had an atypical profile.

The zebra behind the atypical profile!

I suspected it, but I hadn’t put the term high potential, gifted, zebra, on this atypical profile! Today, I choose my companies based on my values and also on the fact that I’m high potential. And at the interview, I talk about it. I warn you that I have an atypical profile and I insist on what’s important to me as a collaborator.

I decided to play the transparency card because that’s the way I am. I like honesty, transparency, equality, justice, and for people to be at the heart of the company. It allows me not to play a role and it lets the recruiter know who he’s dealing with.

After that, it’s up to everyone to take responsibility. I’ve taken the temperature, and it’s also given me an insight into the company’s true philosophy.

Are employers comfortable with the notion of a zebra?

Is this company right for profiles like mine? For more information, read the article > What role do atypical profiles play in companies?

Because today it’s out of the question for me to hide behind a false self and try to be someone other than who I really am. and try to be someone other than who I really am.
Conclusion: as always, there are no rules, no truths, just different individuals with different expectations or sensibilities…

Listen to your inner voice – it’s your best guide!

You can also find more information, resources and tools on Giftedness in Mel POINAS‘ book. With a lot of humor, Mel tells the story of the discovery of her giftedness and the routines she put in place to finally find her place!

To go further, you can read

• Characteristics of High Potential
• Impostor’s syndrome
• How to take the WAIS 4 test?
• Friendship when you’re a zebra, gifted or HPI

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