Little Zebra, we’re going to learn to let go!

When you’re gifted, high potential or hpi, you tend to put a lot of pressure on yourself! We want to be perfect… But letting go means accepting your limits! Accepting that you’re not perfect. Accepting to be as you are! In fact, even the term “letting go” needs to be put into perspective.

In this article, I’ll try to show you simply how to accept…

Letting go, the path to acceptance.

I’m not a recognized personal development expert. I’m here to share my experience with you, what my instincts tell me on a daily basis… How I live as a zebra. What I do with it. I don’t want to impose anything on you, just try to guide you and if that helps you then that’s great!

We’re all different, and what works for me may not work for you! What I do know is that we have to stop trying to be perfect at all costs! Try to fight our ego and learn to be ourselves. And it doesn’t matter if you’re gifted or not!

I’m talking about letting go, because I think it’s a good start to revealing ourselves and reconnecting with who we are, deep down inside.

Life is made up of ups and downs… That’s the way it is, and when you accept the ups and downs, it’s a big step towards yourself!

First piece of advice: you can’t always be at the top of your game!

My friend Charlotte, in her testimonial, said, speaking of me, that I sometimes had an overrated optimism! Ahahaha, that made me smile when I read it…

Because it’s true, I’m always on the ball, at the top of my game… In fact, I use a lot of superlatives when I speak. Everything’s so cool, so good, so totally awesome, super mega huge… That’s me, that’s the way I am!

And sometimes… Even though I love my life, the people and all that, sometimes I’m sad, tired, angry, upset… Simply because I’m a human being! The difference with before is that I no longer feel like fighting and hiding it.

To make you understand thatyou shouldn’t fight against yourself and your emotions, I’ll give you an example. More than a year ago, I separated, as I mentioned in one of my first articles.

Think of vice versa: without sadness, there’s no joy!

It was important for me to talk about it because it was a very difficult break-up, and at the same time, it triggered a major awakening. I’d been in a relationship for a long time and we had plans. Then I realized that she was toxic but that, in spite of that, well, I loved her!

When we parted, I was sad. When I think back, it’s a good thing I was sad! In fact, if I hadn’t been sad after spending several years with the same person, it would have been really weird!

My family was a bit worried to see me sad and a bit disoriented. I explained to them that yes, I was sad, that yes, I wanted to cry, and that yes, it felt really bad, but that it was normal, and that it would pass in the end… But when? That was another question!

Anyway, I asked them to let me be sad for a while because I needed it. I didn’t want to give the impression that everything was fine. Because I wasn’t! And I needed and had the right not to be. They get it. They were there, they supported me and gave me the time I needed. In fact, I think it brought us closer together, because the exchanges we had at that time were real, sincere and authentic. I was what I really felt…

I took the time to get over my breakup. At first, really, I had no idea how long it would take… 3 months, 6 months, a year, two years? I took the days as they cameThe only thing was that I tried to occupy my free time between outings with my friends and a little time for myself. Let’s say I had a schedule for a week or two, but no more plans for 6 months, two years etc… I was (finally) living from day to day! And that’s just happiness🙂

Letting go doesn’t mean taking no more action!

So I was already in action and reacting while accepting that yes, it had happened. Acceptance doesn’t mean letting go and not giving a damn… Let’s say that today, I act on what I have the “power” to act on. Basically, I can influence myself, my life, my vision of life and others. It’s all a question of perception.

The first thing I did, and not the most obvious, was to choose quality over quantity! Now, I choose people who are close to me. I choose those with whom I want to share my time, because time is the most precious thing we have to offer!

Once I’d accepted this break-up, I identified the toxic relationships I had around me to avoid repeating my previous mistakes, and I cut all ties. I’m all for failure, and I often say to my students, make a mistake, it’ll make you better tomorrow…

In fact, I realized that my giftedness was expressed very strongly through my over-empathy, and despite my strong character, I found it hard to say no and set limits. As a result, I was ultra-polluted by lots of things that weren’t my responsibility and that affected me for… NOTHING!

I’ve accepted to put an end to certain relationships, even though it’s really hard! After that, even if it’s hard, I think I made the right choices. I think about it a lot, but I’m happier now… For me, that’s what letting go is all about… Being able to understand that you only control your own life, not that of others, and that some friendships weaken or even fade away, and that’s okay…

Take it one step at a time, without setting unattainable goals.

Life is all about comings and goings. Just because you distance yourself from certain people doesn’t mean it’s for life. Sometimes it makes it easier to find each other again, sometimes it just makes you realize that you’ve been on the road together for a while and now you’ve taken other roads…

Then I decided to take up sport. I’m a sportswoman through and through! But now I wanted to set myself a little challenge. I love the mountains. So I decided to try trail running. The first few outings were really tough. I was aching like crazy! I started gradually, and ended up having a lot of fun because I was proud of myself.

I wasn’t and I’m still not a great runner, but that doesn’t matter, what matters is that I enjoy every outing! It doesn’t matter if I never win a race, but just the feeling of finishing, of getting to the end, is enough for me. I’ve been injured a lot this year, because I don’t prepare properly. I like to push myself to the limit, I’m impatient and sometimes I push too hard…

So I’ve also learned to accept injury; it’s part of sport and today it’s part of my daily life as a sportswoman. As a result, I learned to love physio, to take care of my muscles, my body, myself!

Learning to be self-sufficient.

I remember A., the shrink who worked with me for two years, telling me one day, ” You’re basically alone in life. The first time she said that to me, I didn’t agree, and even found it super sad. Now I know what she meant…

I think I’ve always liked being alone, ever since I was young. And at the same time, I like to be surrounded. The two are not incompatible. It’s all a question of balance…

My break-up taught me how to be alone, it even became a priority in my life, taking time for me and only for me. I set aside moments during the week. I even turn down parties sometimes, and I have no problem with that. As my friends and family know, I often need to isolate myself. It doesn’t mean that they’re too much for me or that I don’t love them anymore, just that sometimes I need to be left alone to decompress! Remember,a zebra’s brain almost never stops, so sometimes I really need some peace…

If you want to be happy together, you have to be alone!

And then, for the first time in my life, I really enjoyed being alone and single. I enjoyed my time with my loved ones, my friends, my family. I met lots of new people, I discovered trail running and the mountains, and I really had a lot of time for myself and for doing what I loved…

And above all, I was no longer trying to fit into the mold. I was no longer waiting for the approval of someone else’s gaze. I was really living for myself!

Just when I least wanted to be in a relationship, I met the person who shares my life today! My nugget, the one who’s there but as a bonus in my life. My life today is the same as it was before we met, with the added bonus of this exchange and sharing… No constraints, no blame, no ego… Just trust and love! It makes me stronger, supports me in my projects, takes me as I am.

We have the same vision of life, to be well in our own lives to make each other even happier…

I believewe all deserve to be happy, and I’m also convinced that we hold our happiness in the palm of our hands. In the end, for me, Letting Go means saying, ok this happened, ok this generates an emotion, ok I accept this emotion without wanting to control it at all costs and now what do I do with it?

Life is like that, when you know how to trust it, it’s surprising!

It seems impossible until we do it!

You can also find more information, resources and tools on Giftedness in Mel POINAS‘ book. With a lot of humor, Mel tells the story of the discovery of her giftedness and the routines she put in place to finally find her place!

To go further, you can read

• Personal development
• Personal development, an interesting tool for the gifted
• Gifted, learning to manage your fears
• The best books about High Learning Potential
• Giftedness : 20 characteristics of complex and laminar profiles
• How to take the WAIS 4 test?
• How to tell others we are gifted?

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