Our 10 tips for living well with an HPI sufferer

Flee, you wretches! No, give him a Zola and an HPI comic book!

Zola, Zoé’s dog in the HPI comic strip, a colorful life

HPI people are exceptional and very rich! With them, there’s never a dull moment! Sometimes that’s what can make life difficult when you share their lives! Friend, spouse, family, work colleagues, discover our tips for living well with an HPI! (This article is obviously written by an HPI person).

 

Dealing with the hectic pace and intensity of High Potential employees

Living alongside an HPI is no picnic. You often have to balance on a wire that rises and falls with the rhythm of an oscilloscope. Sixty beats per minute minimum, one up, one down, up then down, and so on. If you like roller coasters, it’s pretty cool, but it can get pretty heavy after a while! (As this article was written by a native of Saint-Etienne, please refer to the Gaga dictionary for any incomprehensible expressions). As gentle as it can be hard, as tender and demanding, as generous as it can be self-centered, life with a zebra is far from a smooth ride.

IF it’s any consolation, your HPI is certainly fully aware of how he or she functions, and must often even feel guilty for being like that. Vacillating between fleeing or domesticating for fear of not being a good-looking person or living up to… How can you live and develop a relationship with him in complete serenity without burning out?

Our 10 tips for living serenely with a person with High Intellectual Potential

Tip 1 for living well with a person HPI

1- Get ready to become (if you’re not already) a hypercommunicator! HPI people appreciate clear, sincere communication, simply because they mean what they say. They expect the same from you.

Non-violent communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg, is a very useful tool when living or working with an HPI person.

Council n°2 for living well with a person with HPI

2- An HPI person is extremely demanding, first and foremost of himself/herself, but also of others. You may sometimes feel that no matter what you do, it’s never enough. Help her to realize that her demands are sometimes burdensome or exaggerated, to help her take a step back! Mindfulness can sometimes help put things into perspective. It’s not done his way or his speed, but it’s done, right?

Board n°3 for living well with a person with HPI

3- Fear of failure and impostor syndrome are linked to this perpetual questioning and stratospheric demands. He always feels that he never does enough or that it’s not good enough. He just needs to be reassured, and the best way to do that is to remind him that you love him😉

Council n°4 for living well with a person with HPI

4- A person with HPI takes up a lot of space in daily life. Ideas, projects, desires. Everything is a pretext for creating, imagining, inventing and renewing yourself. Set your limits when you feel the need to, if possible calmly and kindly (yes, yes, even when you’re excited!). If you just give him the impression that he’s getting you drunk and refuse to talk, the relationship is likely to become strained very quickly. Give her some plants to keep the peace for a few days, but then you’ll have to talk!

Council n°5 for living well with a person with HPI

5- An HPI profile analyzes everything, anticipates everything, exaggerates everything… This is what makes it so charming, but also what can sometimes make it very annoying. Have your own moments and your own activities. Don’t get caught up in this rhythm, which can sometimes seem frantic and energy-consuming. Above all, don’t forget yourself.

Council n°6 for living well with a person with HPI

6- Give her some downtime, independence and autonomy, or she’ll run for her life.

Council n°7 for living well with a person with HPI

7- In the event of conflict, remember that an HPI person is convinced that he or she is always right; this will save you precious minutes! Fortunately, they often have the ability to question themselves a lot (all the time). When she comes galloping back with a fluffy nose, be very, very, VERY attentive and understanding to understand her reaction, while expressing your emotions.

Council n°8 for living well with a person with HPI

8- Give him a pet! From birth, a high-potential person should be delivered with a pet ! Unconditional love, cuddles, responsibility, listening, recognition… In short, a true friend for life.

Council n°9 for living well with a person with HPI

9- Patience, humor and a sense of humour are essential qualities for living with an HPI profile. First of all, because people with high potential have a great sense of humor and a sense of humour, right from childhood. If you have trouble letting go, you can quickly take everything for yourself and end up a pressure cooker!

Council n°10 for living well with a person with HPI

10- An HPI person thrives on the recognition and satisfaction of his or her peers. He likes to make people happy, and withers when he feels they’re unhappy around him. Don’t hesitate to let him know when you’re proud of him and support him… He doesn’t take criticism well and needs to be nurtured positively by the people he loves the most!

If you’re looking for concrete tools to help you understand how High Intellectual Potential works, and how your other half reacts, Mel Poinas ‘ book Follow the Zebra can be very useful. You’ll find explanations of how HPI works, practical exercises and a survival guide to help you understand HPI and make the most of it.

 

We’d like to take this opportunity to give you our top tips for living well with an HPI person.

Page from the comic strip, HPI une vie haute en couleur, published by Vuibert.

You can also find more information, resources and tools on Giftedness in Mel POINAS‘ book. With a lot of humor, Mel tells the story of the discovery of her giftedness and the routines she put in place to finally find her place!

To go further, you can read

• Giftedness and love relationships
• Living as a couple with an HPI
• HPI: High Intellectual Potential, explanations and testimonial by Mel Poinas
• The best books about High Learning Potential
• Characteristics of High Potential
• Giftedness and Hypersensitivity

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